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This short story by Terry Jones was originally featured in his book "Fairy Tales." It was later made into a book. The cover of the book is up the page. Please note that this story is copyrighted, so don't steal it. Read it to your kids, and one day say, "That guy was in a group called 'Monty Python.' Get your kids off to a good, Pythonesque, start!
A long time ago, in a land far away, the most terrible beast that
ever lived roamed the countryside. It had four eyes, six legs,
and a thousand teeth. In the morning it would gobble up men as
they went to work in the fields. In the afternoon it would break
into lonely farms and eat up mothers and children as they sat
down to lunch, and at night it would stalk the streets of the
towns, looking for its supper.
In the biggest of the towns, there lived a pastry cook and his
wife, and they had a small son whose name was Sam. One morning,
as Sam was helping his father to make pastries, he heard that
the Mayor had offered a reward of ten bags of gold to anyone who
could rid the city of the beast.
"Oh," said Sam, "wouldn't I just like to win those
ten bags of gold!"
"Nonsense!" said his father. "Put those pastries
in the oven."
That afternoon they heard that the King himself had offered a
hundred bags of gold to anyone who could rid the kingdom of the
beast.
"Oooh! Wouldn't I just like to win those hundred bags of
gold," said Sam.
"You're too small," said his father. "Now run along
and take those cakes to the palace before it gets dark."
So Sam set off for the palace with a tray of cakes balanced on
his head. But he was so busy thinking of the hundred bags of gold
that he lost his way, and soon it began to grow dark.
'Oh dear!' said Sam. 'The beast will be coming soon to look for
his supper. I'd better hurry home.
So he turned and started to hurry home as fast as he could. But
he was utterly and completely lost, and he didn't know which way
to turn. Soon it grew very dark. The streets were deserted, and
everyone was safe inside, and had bolted and barred their doors
for fear of the beast.
Poor Sam ran up this street and down the next, but he couldn't
find the way home. Then suddenly - in the distance - he heard
a sound like thunder, and he knew that the beast with a thousand
teeth was approaching the city!
Sam ran up to the nearest house, and started to bang on the door.
'Let me in!' he cried. 'I'm out in the streets, and the beast
is approaching the city! Listen!' And he could hear the sound
of the beast getting nearer and nearer. The ground shook and the
windows rattled in their frames. But the people inside said no
- if they opened the door, the beast might get in and eat them
too.
So poor Sam ran up to the next house, and banged as hard as he
could on their door, but the people told him to go away.
Then he heard a roar, and he heard the beast coming down the street,
and he ran as hard as he could. But no matter how hard he ran,
he could hear the beast getting nearer... and nearer... And he
glanced over his shoulder - and there it was at the end of the
street! Poor Sam in his fright dropped his tray, and hid under
some steps. And the beast got nearer and nearer until it was right
on top of him, and it bent down and its terrible jaws went SNACK!
and it gobbled up the tray of cakes, and then it turned on Sam.
Sam plucked up all his courage and shouted as loud as he could:
'Don't eat me, Beast! Wouldn't you rather have some more cakes?'
The beast stopped and looked at Sam, and then it looked back at
the empty tray, and it said:
'Well... they were very nice cakes... I liked the pink
ones particularly. But there are no more left, so I'll just have
to eat you... 'And it reached under the steps where poor Sam was
hiding, and pulled him out in its great horny claws.
'Oh... p-p-please!' cried Sam. 'If you don't eat me, I'll make
you some more. I'll make you lots of good things, for I'm the
son of the best pastry cook in the land.'
'Will you make more of those pink ones?' asked the beast.
'Oh yes! I'll make as many pink ones as you can eat!' cried Sam.
'Very well,' said the beast, and put poor Sam in its pocket, and
carried him home to its lair.
The beast lived in a dark and dismal cave. The floor was littered
with the bones of the people it had eaten, and the stone walls
were marked with lines, where the beast used to sharpen its teeth.
But Sam got to work right away, and started to bake as many cakes
as he could for the beast. And when he ran out of flour or eggs
or anything else, the beast would run back into town to get them,
although it never paid for anything.
Sam cooked and baked, and he made scones and eclairs and meringues
and sponge cakes and shortbread and doughnuts. But the beast looked
at them and said, 'You haven't made any pink ones!'
'Just a minute!' said Sam, and he took all the cakes and he covered
every one of them in pink icing.
'There you are,' said Sam, 'they're a/l pink ones!'
'Great!' said the beast and ate the lot.
Well, the beast grew so fond of Sam's cakes that it shortly gave
up eating people altogether, and it stayed at home in its cave,
eating and eating and growing fatter and fatter. This went on
for a whole year, until one morning Sam woke up to find the beast
rolling around groaning and beating the floor of the cave. Of
course you can guess what was the matter with it.
'Oh dear,' said Sam, 'I'm afraid it's all that pink icing that
has given you toothache.'
Well, the toothache got worse and worse and, because the beast
had a thousand teeth, it was soon suffering from the worst toothache
that anyone in the whole history of the world has ever suffered
from. It lay on its side and held its head and roared in agony,
until Sam began to feel quite sorry for it. The beast howled and
howled with pain, until it could stand it no longer. 'Please,
Sam, help me!' it cried.
'Very well,' said Sam. 'Sit still and open your mouth.'
So the beast sat very still and opened its mouth while Sam got
a pair of pliers and took out every single tooth in that beast's
head.
Well, when the beast had lost all its thousand teeth, it couldn't
eat people any more. So Sam took it home and went to the Mayor
and claimed ten bags of gold as his reward.
Then he went to the King and claimed the hundred bags of gold
as his reward. Then he went back and lived with his father and
mother once more, and the beast helped in the pastry shop, and
took cakes to the palace every day, and everyone forgot they had
ever been afraid of the beast with a thousand teeth.
"As a storyteller, Mr. Jones is a wizard. ..Both horrors and slapstick humor are brilliantly illustrated by Michael Foreman.... [they] have conspired to produce a volume of highly original fairy tales that is beautiful to look at and great fun to read aloud. The brothers Marx and Grimm together could
not have done better."
-The New York Times Book Review
of Fairy Tales
Click for larger image.
